


i think i'm falling (i'm falling for you)

by thisapathy



Series: say you'll never let me go [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Cheating, Consensual Underage Sex, Developing Relationship, Homophobic Language, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, i promise it's not as angsty as it looks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 12:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6153907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisapathy/pseuds/thisapathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carl thinks about Ron and how Ron throws punches for him and how Ron finds excuses to come into his room and how Ron holds his face when they kiss and he realizes that yeah, he's pretty damn happy.</p><p>alternate version of "i'm a goner (somebody catch my breath)"</p>
            </blockquote>





	i think i'm falling (i'm falling for you)

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is the alternate version of "i'm a goner (somebody catch my breath)". parts 2 and 3 of this series will be in the works.

Things at home are bad. Carl hates school, but school is just the least of his worries. The fact that he can't stop sneaking glances at Rick, Rick who's his father and Rick who's married to his mother, makes Carl physically sick to his stomach. It goes on for weeks and weeks and it only gets worse. Rick walking around the house shirtless doesn't help matters, but Rick doesn't seem to notice when Carl gets jumpy and stutters.

Carl doesn't have friends at school, for the most part. He'll talk to Sophia from time to time but her boyfriend doesn't like it when she does. Lori thinks Carl needs to make an effort to be more social. _Go to a football game,_ Lori will say, _join a club._

At that point Rick usually uses his cop voice to snap at Lori and tell her to leave Carl alone and Carl will either shrink down in his seat or leave the room completely.

This time, he slides down in his chair and watches his mother storm out. This time, she never comes home.

+

Carl knows it's his fault. He's riddled with guilt no matter how many times Rick will sit and tell him it's not his fault. Rick trusts Carl enough to tell him that he feels relief over Lori's death. It's fucked that Rick has the nerve to tell him that, like Carl doesn't have enough on his mind already.

"We were headed for a divorce," Rick drawls, a single tear slipping down his cheek. He's on his third beer and if there's something Carl has learned from his mother's death, it's that Rick is a sad drunk. He's also learned that Rick looks so damn good with the beard he's neglected to shave.

"It's my fault she's dead. You were fighting over me."

"No," Rick assures him with a slow shake of his head. Rick's gaze falls to his lap and it looks like Rick is hurting just as much as Carl is. So Carl does something so stupid and nervy: he leans over and hugs his father, and then he kisses him. It's Carl's first kiss and it's soft and Carl tastes the sour taste of beer on Rick's lips, but it's everything Carl imagined it would be.

Rick doesn't kiss back. He pushes Carl far away in an uncoordinated shove with both hands. "Carl, what the _hell_?"

Carl doesn't really know and the way Rick's looking at him makes him start to cry, too. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know."

Rick pushes himself off the couch, stumbles down the hallway into his bedroom and doesn't say another word about it.

+

Carl's okay. He's okay in the sense that he can keep his grades up and he does his chores and he learns to cook for Rick. It's just that he hates himself now more than ever. He still thinks about Rick and he'll sneak a glance at Rick's bare ass through the bathroom door if Rick neglects to fully shut it. At first he tries to fight the urge, to stop himself from thinking about Rick the way he does but he quickly loses stamina and lets himself come in the quiet of his bedroom with Rick's name falling from his lips in a soft whine.

+

Rick doesn't give himself much time to grieve before he finds a girlfriend. She's in their kitchen when Carl comes home from school. He expects Rick to be there, but not the tall blonde with the sweet smile.

"Hey," Carl says, mostly to Rick.

Rick turns and looks at him, smiling. His hands are folded around a coffee mug on the table and Carl realizes that Rick's taken his wedding ring off. "Hey. This is Jessie."

Jessie smiles at Carl again and Carl looks away, partly because he's angry and jealous and devastated, but also because this woman's smile is so bright that Carl feels guilty for wanting her out of his house. "Hi," Carl whispers. "I, uh, I have homework so—"

"'Course," Rick nods.

The second Carl turns to leave the kitchen, his eyes fill with tears and he bites his lip to stifle a cry. He doesn't really have homework. He goes to his room, curls up in bed, cries himself to sleep and pretends that he didn't when Rick comes to check on him.

+

When Jessie invites Carl and Rick over to her big, beautiful house, Carl meets Jessie's sons. Sam is 11 and he's quiet and has dark circles under his eyes. Ron is 17 and he's tall and his voice is sexy, if Carl's being totally honest. Ron wears a black beanie and his brown eyes are really pretty.

"C'mon," Ron says, turning to go upstairs. "You can meet my friends."

When Carl follows Ron up the stairs, he can't not look at his ass or his long legs.

Ron's room is nothing special. It has white walls covered in various posters, clothes strewn across the floor, a bedside table and lamp, and a corner desk. Even then, it's nicer than anything Carl has.

"This is my friend Mikey and my girlfriend Enid," Ron explains, gesturing vaguely.

"Hey," they say in unison, though neither of them look up from their phone screens.

Ron reaches for his Bluetooth speaker and turns it on. "Wanna listen to some music?"

Carl shrugs, sitting down on the bed next to Ron's girlfriend.

Girlfriend. There goes that idea.

+

They move in with Jessie, Sam and Ron. Carl doesn't make much of a fuss about it because he knows Rick will do what Rick wants regardless. Carl tries to make the best of it. His room is down the hall from Sam and Ron and their parents are downstairs, so that's good at least.

Carl's new room is a lot bigger than his last. There's more space than he knows what to do with. He puts his bed in the center of the wall and his entertainment center opposite his bed. He's struggling with his dresser and trying not to hear Rick laughing with Sam downstairs when Ron pokes his head into the room.

"Need some help?"

Carl looks over, sweat beading at his temples and the nape of his neck. He doesn't really want Ron around because Ron is nice and, honestly, Carl is afraid of what he’ll do because of that.

"Uh" is all Carl says. Ron comes in anyhow, taking the dresser and dragging it into the corner. Ron is a lot stronger than he looks.

Ron gives Carl a look, brown eyes searching for something and nothing at the same time. "Are you okay?"

"Not..." Carl sits down on the bed. He feels like crying. He misses Lori. He misses his old house, his old room, the way the winter chill would seep up through the floorboards. Jessie's house has radiant floor heating all throughout; Carl can feel it against his toes right now. Should he be moving furniture barefoot? Probably not.

Ron leans against one of the bare walls. "I know you're not exactly happy about moving in; your dad said. But my mom's a good cook and our house is huge and, I mean, I'm pretty nice. I snore sometimes, but it's not all bad."

Ron is trying so, so hard to make Carl feel better and Carl only feels worse because of it. He forces a smile, one that Ron mirrors with much less effort probably, and nods. "Thanks."

Ron pushes off the wall, headed out of the room.

"Hey, Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you help me with my TV?"

"Sure thing."

+

Carl transfers to Ron’s high school. They don’t have any classes together but before school Ron tries to get Carl in with his group of friends. Carl feels uncomfortable, like all eyes are on him and he doesn’t know why other than he doesn’t fit in. Mostly everyone in this school has more money than him. The only reason Carl can even _look_ at the front doors is because he and Rick live with Jessie.

Enid looks about as interested in the conversation about Mad Max as Carl does; she’s picking at a spare thread on her jacket. She talks without even looking up. "We have second period together."

"What?" Carl asks dumbly.

"Second period," she repeats. "English."

"Oh. That's... yeah, cool."

Carl can't even force himself to act like he cares. He can't fake enthusiasm when he doesn't even want to be here. 'Sides, he doesn't exactly want to be friends with Enid. He can't really pinpoint why, but it probably has something to do with the fact that she's dating Ron.

That's when Carl realizes that he's probably not a freak of nature who's attracted to his own father. He's probably just gay.

+

Carl can count on one hand the hours he spends with Rick each week. Since moving in with Jessie, all of Rick's spare time goes to her or Sam. Rick doesn't even come into his room before bedtime to ask how he's doing the way he used to right after Lori died. Even when Carl asks to go visit Lori's grave, Rick's excuse is that he's working. Jessie tells him the same thing but Carl asks Ron to go with him and Ron agrees.

+

Carl doesn't mean to embarrass himself in front of Ron by crying at Lori's grave; it's been nearly 8 months. He should at least be able to pull himself together a little bit. Ron promises him that it's okay to cry because “sometimes shit just gets to you.” And then Ron tells Carl about how his dad, Pete, used to beat him and Sam and his mom. They'd lived with it for a while, Ron explains, until one night Jessie decided enough was enough and went after Pete with a pair of hair cutting scissors. It was self defense, she had told the cops. The cops agreed.

"My dad isn't dead," Ron explains. "We just don't have to see him anymore. Plus, Mom got to keep the house."

"That's really shitty. About your dad, I mean."

Ron shrugs a shoulder like he's told this story a hundred times. "I'm working through it."

Carl leans his head against the bus window and closes his eyes. Then he feels Ron's hand come to rest on top of his own.

+

They're playing GTA V in Carl's room the first time it happens. Rick's working and Jessie and Sam are out of the house. Carl narrowly beats Ron and when Ron tackles him, pins him down to the bed, Carl just sort of lets him. When Ron lowers his head to kiss him, Carl just sort of lets him and then he kisses back.

It's Carl's first kiss. Well, his first real kiss. He doesn't count his kiss with Rick or the kiss with Becca Simpson in third grade because those were both just a simple of press of lips against lips. But Ron threads a hand through Carl's hair and puts a hand on his hip. The hand on Carl's hip doesn't roam and Carl's too alarmed to determine whether he's relieved or disappointed over that. He doesn't really know what to do, where to put his own hands, and he moves them from Ron's neck to his shoulders to his sides where his fingers fold around the soft cotton of Ron's Henley.

They end up making out on Carl's bed for ten minutes and neither one of them mention the fact that Ron has a girlfriend.

+

It happens again two days later only this time they're in the living room when Ron starts it. Ron presses Carl into the plush couch cushions as some Food Network show drones on in the background. Carl can't help but spread his legs and allow Ron to settle between them, can't help but try to slip his hand up the back of Ron's t-shirt. That, apparently, is where Ron draws the line because Ron pulls away and gets up without saying anything.

+

Carl avoids Ron like the plague and Ron acts like nothing happened. Enid seems to come over now more than ever, and Carl can't look her in the eye because she's still trying to be nice to him and Carl figures Ron didn't tell her about the making out. Carl thinks that whatever he had with Ron over the span of 3 days is gone—until Ron comes into Carl's room late in Tuesday evening and pushes him against the wall so roughly that Carl's head bangs against it. Ron kisses him before he can even get a word out of his mouth.

The voice in Carl's head is screaming _what the_ _fuck_ because Ron has a girlfriend and he shouldn't want this, and Carl shouldn't _want_ him to want this. But he does. With every tilt of his head and slide of his tongue, Carl wants this. He wants Ron's mouth on his neck and Ron's fingers in his hair and Ron's cock in his ass and _god_ , when did he start thinking like that? Oh, right: when Ron slipped a knee between his thighs.

It feels amazing, better than amazing, and Carl has to resist the urge to pull Ron's hips closer because they shouldn't be doing this because Ron has a girlfriend and their parents are home and the door isn't locked and Carl doesn't even know how getting fucked is going to feel.

"Ron," says Carl as he turns his head to the side.

Ron's lips leave a wet trail across his cheek. "Yeah."

Carl can't get the word "stop" out of his mouth because he doesn't exactly want Ron to stop, he just wants this to be slow and he would prefer Ron to break up with Enid first, but he's not sure he's going to do that on such short notice. His intended "we can't" turns into "not right now" and Ron nods like he understands.

"When you're ready," Ron whispers.

+

Carl's line of thinking is that if he goes outside the jock in his math class won't be able to find him. But, no, Jacob hunts him down. Jacob finds Carl sitting against the side of the theater and makes a game of snatching Carl's phone out of his hand and refusing to give it back.

"C'mon, man," Carl sighs. "Can we not today? Please?"

It's happenstance that Ron walks out of the doors when Jacob sticks Carl's phone in his pocket.

"Give me my phone, asshole!"

"Hey!" Ron shouts. Carl closes his eyes because he really doesn't need this, and he doesn't need Ron knowing that Jacob fucks with him on a daily basis. "What's going on?"

"Ron, it's fine, go."

Ron ignores him. "Give him back the phone."

"Shut up, faggot," Jacob sneers. "Grimes, tell your boyfriend to fuck off."

Carl buries his face in his hands. "Ron, don't. It's not worth it."

"No," Ron says in a stern voice. It's not possessive or weird or at all. "I'm not gonna let some low-life dick treat you like shit." He turns to Jacob. "Give him his fucking phone."

"Make me. Stop taking up for your fucking girlfriend."

Ron grits his teeth. "Listen, you fucking piece of shit—"

The kid throws a punch and, okay, Ron avoids the kid's fist but at this point it's self defense, Carl guesses. He watches Ron deck the kid so hard the kid falls face down onto the grass and he's probably seeing spots. He's definitely spitting blood.

Carl watches as Ron flexes his knuckles. He thinks Ron should probably get ice for them, but then remembers that punching kids gets you expelled so they can't exactly go to the nurse asking for help.

This douchey kid in his Under Armour shirt looks up at Ron, totally dumbfounded. He pulls Carl's phone from his pocket and tosses it at Carl's feet. Ron starts to walk away and Carl just keeps staring at the kid on the ground, the kid who's standing up, and that's when Carl realizes he should probably go. He grabs his phone and jogs after Ron, finally catching up and grabbing his arm. "Hey, are you okay?"

Ron shakes his head, the way he does when he's pissed off. His footsteps are relentless; no matter how hard Carl tugs, Ron won't stop walking. "You can't let people treat you like that."

"It doesn't bother me."

"Seeing you being treated that way bothers me."

"So?"

Ron stops then, Carl's hand still gripping his arm. "So I'm not gonna let it happen."

Carl doesn't push the issue, simply follows Ron back inside.

+

Thanksgiving break is uneventful except for when Carl can't resist Ron's advances and they make out in the garage when Carl is supposed to be taking out the trash. Ron lets Carl rut against his hips until he comes in his jeans. After that, there's nothing Carl can do to stop himself from thinking of Ron in ways that he absolutely shouldn’t.

+

It’s the first night of Christmas break and Rick, Jessie and Sam are heading to the Christmas party at Jessie’s office. Ron and Carl are invited, but they both decline because Carl says he’s tired and Ron says he doesn’t want to go to a lame Christmas party. Jessie sighs and doesn’t argue. When the 3 of them are gone, Ron and Carl fuck for the first time on Ron’s bed. Carl’s still unsure, but Ron seems to know what he’s doing.

Ron has a certain set of skills that include the perfect fingering technique and the ability to make Carl's legs tremble with one flick of his tongue. He's experienced; that much is obvious. But it's a surprise when Carl asks if he's ever done this before, and Ron says “never with a guy” because it seems like he knows exactly what to do.

Carl is a bumbling, awkward mess but eventually they get the hang of it. He honestly doesn’t know what to think or how to feel about being fucked—until Ron’s cock brushes _there_ and then Carl’s nails dig into Ron’s pale shoulders, leaving bright pink half-moon shapes behind. He comes when Ron touches him, letting Ron’s name fall from his lips in a breathy moan.

+

After, the way Ron gazes into his eyes is unnerving but something can't make Carl look away. He ghosts his fingers down the bridge of Ron's nose, across the small bump that goes unnoticed unless seen from the side. The corner of Ron's mouth lifts up, just the faintest beginning of a smile.

"What?" Carl whispers

"You're beautiful is all."

The words leave an unwelcome tingle in Carl's belly. He doesn't mean to feel this way, he doesn't want to—those weren't his intentions. His intentions were to let Ron to fuck him and he did, so he doesn't know why he's still lying here. He sits up and reaches for his clothes.

"Where are you going?"

"Everyone's gonna be home soon," he explains, pulling on his shirt followed by his jeans. "Don't think they'd exactly be cool with it if they caught us in bed together."

Ron looks disappointed but he follows suit, searching for his own clothes and tugging them on.

Carl doesn't disclose that he's mostly upset because _he just fucked Ron and Ron has a girlfriend!_ There's guilt. A lot of guilt. But the guilt isn't because of Ron dating Enid, it's because Carl knows full well that Ron is with someone else and they just had sex an Carl loved every moment of it. "Night," he whispers, feeling numb and dizzy at the same as he heads for the door.

"Goodnight."

+

Two days after Christmas Rick is working and Jessie and Sam are out trying to find Sam a new pair of shoes at an after Christmas sale. Carl’s been awake for a little bit and he’s looking for his phone charger when Ron comes into his room. They haven’t talked much since they’ve had sex, mostly because Carl avoids Ron because he knows they shouldn’t have done that. At least not until Ron ended things with Enid.

“Hey,” Ron says, closing the door.

”We shouldn’t be doing this,” Carl says before he can stop himself. It’s not that he doesn’t want it, because he does. He wants Ron very much. “It isn’t fair to Enid.”

"I broke up with her yesterday," Ron tells him.

"Oh. Did you tell her why?”

Ron shakes his head. “We’d grown apart anyways. She’s okay, I think.”

He nods because he can’t really think of anything else to say. He really wants to kiss Ron but it’s not the best time and everyone is home. Sneaking around Sam is easy enough, but when Rick and Jessie are awake it’s a little too risky for Carl’s taste. He knows if they find out they’ll be pissed.

“So what now?”

Carl shrugs. He doesn’t really know. He’s never been in a relationship before. He doesn’t even know if he and Ron are in a relationship. They sort of just sneak around and kiss, though there isn’t much else they can do right now.

Ron sighs like he’s disappointed but he probably understands that Carl needs time to think this over. “Think about it, okay?”

Carl promises he will.

+

When Carl's 16th birthday rolls around, Rick and Jessie give him last minute tickets to see Twenty One Pilots. Carl's grateful, but no one he knows really listens to them and he doesn't want to go with his dad. So he asks Ron if he'll go. Of course he will.

+

Two days later Jessie drops them off at the concert venue in her van and they navigate the line to get in, and then stand in line at the merch table for 30 minutes. When Carl doesn't have enough cash for the shirt he wants, Ron fronts him five dollars.

Carl comes to the conclusion that Ron has looked up a few songs on the internet because he knows the words and sings along during the show. They're actually having a pretty good time until Ron tries to hold Carl's hand during "Goner."

Carl kind of looks down at their interlaced fingers and contemplates pulling away. He doesn't, though, and when he looks up Ron has the brightest smile on his face.

+

After the show they walk outside and the air is cool and crisp and a nice change from the humidity of the venue they were in. Ron looks tired as he leans against the chain link fence and Carl checks his phone to see how long they have until Jessie picks them up and figures they have some time to kill. He steps in front of Ron, takes Ron's hands in his own and carefully stands on the tops of Ron's toes to kiss him. The idea seems cute at the time and Carl feels Ron squeeze his fingers but then Ron is breaking the kiss and pushing Carl back.

"Okay, ow."

"Sorry," Carl chuckles, smiling. He bites his lip and looks at Ron through the blue haze of the parking lot lights. "I'm sorry."

Ron shakes his head, spreads his feet and tugs Carl to stand between them. Carl lets himself feel the way Ron slides his arms around his waist, the way Ron breathes through his nose when they kiss slow and deep, the way Ron's fingers scratch at his back lazily in a soothing fashion. And he's really grateful to their parents for giving him these concert tickets not only because the show was great, but because of the way Ron holds him in the parking lot afterwards like he's something to be cherished.

+

Rick picks Carl up from school because Jessie’s busy and she can’t. Carl gets in Rick’s truck and sits his backpack by his feet. Being alone with Rick isn't uncomfortable anymore like it was after Lori died or like it was after Carl kissed Rick on the couch and Rick recoiled in horror. Things are good now. Carl doesn't think about Rick the way he used to, probably because he's come to terms with the fact that he's actually just _gay_.

“How was school?” Rick asks.

"Good."

Rick glances over at him, asking, “How are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“How are you doing? Grades are okay?”

"My grades are good," Carl says softly. He glances across the vehicle as Rick waits in line to leave the parking lot. “I still miss Mom sometimes."

Rick reaches over to put his hand on Carl’s shoulder. "I do too."

"But Jessie is great, I mean... she's a good cook, she's nice. She's a good mom. Ron is cool." _Ron is cool and good at giving hickeys and hand jobs and he's really good at fucking and he snores when he sleeps which is annoying and cute at the same time._

"Oh yeah? What about Sam?"

"Sam's okay," Carl says with a shrug and a half laugh because if he's being honest, he doesn't really even pay attention to Sam. Like, ever.

"Are you happy?"

"What's with the questions?" Carl fires back.

"Just wonderin', we don't really get to talk much anymore."

Carl thinks about Ron and how Ron throws punches for him and how Ron finds excuses to come into his room and how Ron touches his cheek when they kiss and he realizes that yeah, he's pretty damn happy.

+

A few days later in the kitchen before school, Carl is taking the last of the coffee from the pot. He doesn't realize Ron is nearby until someone opens the fridge and he turns to look.

"Hand me the milk," Carl says softly, extending an arm.

Ron does and he also grabs a protein drink for himself. Carl pours milk into his coffee mug, giving it a quick swirl before putting the lid on.

"Carl?"

Carl's eyes flicker up and he flips his hair out of his eyes. "Hm?"

Ron is staring at him. Not in the usual way either, more like he's got something to say and he's not going to let Carl go without hearing it. "I love you."

Carl's not exactly caught off guard, but the words hit him like a ton of bricks. He's known for a while that, yeah, judging by the way Ron treats him, he loves him. But hearing the words leave Ron's mouth in such a clear, direct way is more than Carl bargained for. "Oh."

"I just thought you should know."

Carl nods and watches Ron walk out of the kitchen.

+

Carl is freaking out a little and he doesn't know how Ron can just say "I love you" and be okay with Carl not saying it back. Apparently there are no hard feelings because Ron still seeks Carl out at lunch and sits across from him at the table.

"Enid's having a party tonight," Ron says as he plops down on the seat across from Carl.

"I thought you broke up with her."

"We still talk," he shrugs. "Wanna go? I asked my mom and she said yes. She likes Enid."

"That's great," Carl says, sarcastic.

"It'll be fun," Ron promises. "There's gonna be beer and music. Someone's probably gonna bring pot. They always do."

Carl's never been a party kid and he doesn't want to go and he prefers nights where he stays in his room and nights when he and Ron sneak downstairs to make out on the couch after their parents go to bed. Carl doesn't know what compels him to say yes—maybe it's the way Ron is looking at him or maybe it's the promise of music.

"Okay," he agrees.

+

The party is a lot louder than Carl anticipates. He can't imagine Ron told Jessie things would get this wild, otherwise she wouldn't have said they could go. Carl makes the mistake of not eating anything before they leave the house. He makes the mistake of letting Ron leave his side and getting drunk with Jacob whom he doesn't even _like_.

And then Jacob is pulling Carl upstairs and Carl's jacket is on the floor and his wrists are pinned down and he's not sure what this guy gave him, but he knows it's not good because he feels like he can't move and the room is spinning and he feels numb all over.

It comes out as a whisper and Carl doesn't even know if he's saying it or if he's just imagining himself saying it. "Stop." His mind races between what this guy is doing to him and where Ron is and why Ron hasn't come to look for him.

Carl feels tears in his eyes and Jacob's hands on his hips. All he can do is push against this guy's shoulders but Jacob plays football and Carl is so small. He squeezes his eyes closed, waits for the worst, expects his jeans to be pulled off his legs—but all of those thoughts come to a screeching halt when Carl hears Ron's muffled voice somewhere down the hall. He snaps out of it. Well, as best he can under the circumstances. "Ron!"

Jacob's hand clamps over Carl's mouth and he leers at him. "Shut up," he hisses.

"Carl?" The door opens because stupid fucking Jacob didn't even bother to lock the door. "Carl!"

It seems like it takes Ron minutes to get to Carl's side. It doesn't, though; as soon as Jacob sees Ron, he runs out of the room like the fucking coward he is. Ron looks like he wants to chase him down and murder him but probably figures that Carl needs him right now. "Fuck. Oh my god, are you okay?" he asks, putting a hand to Carl's cheek when he sits up.

Carl manages to nod. "He just... he didn't—I'm okay."

"What did he give you?"

"I don't know."

Ron pulls Carl into his arms and kisses his hair. "Jesus," he murmurs.

Carl presses his face into Ron's neck. "I wanna go home."

"We'll go," Ron whispers.

+

Ron—sweet Ron with the kind voice and nice jawline—holds him on the way home and all but carries him upstairs when they get there. "You should shower," he says softly.

"I'm tired," Carl slurs.

"Your dad's gonna know you got drunk," Ron tells him.

Honestly? Carl doesn't care. All he wants to do is sleep and forget about Jacob's hands on him and curl up in Ron's warm bed under the covers. "Ron—"

"Shower," demands Ron as he tugs Carl towards the bathroom.

Carl complies because it's a lot easier to do that than to protest, especially when he's still drunk and stumbling. He sits on the closed toilet and waits for the water to run warm. He peels his shirt off and tosses it into the hamper along with his jeans and boxers, not really caring if Ron sees; it's nothing Ron hasn't seen before.

Two minutes later and Carl's rinsed off. Ron leaves only to go get Carl a fresh set of pajamas. Carl slips them on with more effort than he expects to use and brushes his teeth.

Ron asks, "Done?"

Carl nods and Ron flips off the light before they open the door and walk out. Carl should part and go to his own room but he doesn't want to sleep alone. He doesn't want to be alone. Not anymore. "Can I sleep with you?"

Ron turns to look at him in the darkness of the hallway and doesn't try to conceal his shock. His mouth's agape and he blinks like it's some sort of dream because Carl has never wanted to sleep with Ron. Not even in a post orgasmic glow has Carl wanted to sleep beside Ron, but it's like something has clicked and Carl realizes what he's been missing.

"Yeah," Ron says after what feels like a lifetime. He reaches out and takes Carl's hand, leading him into his room.

Carl walks slowly behind Ron, watches as Ron kicks his shoes off and strips down to his boxers and a t-shirt. He climbs in bed first, patting the empty spot beside him. Carl stretches out beside him and Ron slips an arm over his hip, pulling him close.

Carl tucks his head under Ron’s chin. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

”Stopping Jacob, for punching him that one time. For loving me.”

Ron doesn’t say anything and instead pulls back to press his lips to Carl’s forehead.

“Ron?”

”Hm?”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wasn't going to post this tonight but i'm upset and kind of hate people rn. thanks for reading. kudos and comments are much appreciated. ❤️


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